If you follow me on my socials you’ll likely know that 2 weekends ago I took my niece to Paignton Zoo for the day.
We had an awesome time and was one of the best days I’ve had at the zoo.
The weather was great.
The animals were all out.
The park was quiet meaning we could see easily enclosure and we didn’t have to queue.
We made some flower pots and planted some seeds to grow for the bees.
We saw an orang-utan use a cloak to shade itself from the sun which I thought was pretty incredible.
And we had some of the best ice-cream I’ve tasted. However, little did I know this ice cream would be the cause of killing my confidence for the week,
We were off to go see the giraffes which we were excited about as it was Jazz’s favourite animal.
As we were walking there enjoying are ice creams chatting away I got hit straight across the face.
Was it a man? Nope
Was it a ball? Nope
It was a bloody seagull trying to steal my ice-cream but missed and clouted me across the face and shat on me, bastard.
This is the second time that I’ve been attacked by them now over ice cream, it’s not cool. At least this time I got to continue eating it as it missed.
Anyway, I didn’t think much of it I was just glad it was me and not my niece so we laughed about it and went on to enjoy our day.
So you’re probably thinking “how would this knock your confidence?”
Well, it wasn’t until a couple of days later that it did.
I woke up with that sore spot feeling, you know when you’ve got one coming through but hasn’t quite broke out yet.
It was pretty sore and swollen but I thought nothing of it and assumed it was a spot or ingrowing hair from my facial hair.
I iced it and went on with my day.
It got worse and worse through the day and by the afternoon it was pretty horrible looking I’m not going to lie.
I had 13 small whiteheads/blisters in one small area, yes I counted and then panicked.
Before you know it google was out like we all do when we're feeling ill or have a pain were unfamiliar with.
It was pointing in the direction of cold sore or impetigo (god knows which one I was hoping it rather be) as I never had cold sores before and heard the first outbreak is really bad.
I was straight over to the pharmacy to see what they could do, but the pharmacist was unsure what it was. I told him about the seagull attack and he sent me to the Doctors for them to check it.
Turns out the Doctor was unsure of what it was to but said it looks like a virus infection potentially from the seagull, she gave me some antibiotics and sent me on my way.
But it got worse before it got better.
This is where my confidence plummeted.
I was so self-conscious of this viral infection on my face as the white blisters where so apparent.
I avoided talking on my social medias
I started wearing a hat as I thought that would somehow distract peoples eyes from it.
I felt my posture drop as I tried to walk with my head down hoping it would hide it.
And the constant burning sensation was reminding me it was there.
It was a pretty horrible week as it stopped me from being myself and doing things as I didn’t want to go anywhere.
I did meet a fellow trainer for some lunch and I spent the whole time with my hand over my mouth trying to hide it whilst hiding under my hat.
I hated this feeling of being so self-conscious I just wanted it to go away and to stop controlling my life.
Looking back it was pretty ridiculous as I’m sure no one else cared or even noticed but to me, it was so apparent, and that was enough to kill my confidence for the week.
As soon as it went I felt me again, I was walking upright and confidently, I was joking around again and happy, it was crazy to think that one small thing changed me so much.
It reminded me of when I still had hair but was going bald, I wouldn’t lean over in front of people, I wouldn’t go swimming I’d avoid so many things because of how self-conscious I was.
Again no one else probably cared or noticed but it was a huge deal to me as I knew it was there.
It consumed me so much but at the time I didn’t realise as it was the norm, but once I shaved my head all of that went.
My confidence was back, I didn’t have to worry about leaning over or going swimming and I became very happy.
And this is when it got me thinking.
This must be how people feel who are so self-conscious about their body.
I know lots of people who avoid things that involve taking their top off, wearing a bikini and wearing certain clothes because they are self-conscious.
Again I can tell you no one else cares but it doesn’t matter that no one else does because you do and you notice it, that’s what matters.
And let me tell you two things,
1)You probably aren’t going to be your full confident happy self until it’s gone.
2) It’s not going to go until you do something about it.
You can change it, you can get your confidence back, sure it’s going to take some hard work, some level of discomfort and consistency but I promise that it will be so worth it.
Imagine be able to do doing things your too self conscious to do now. (e.g Going to the gym and not being self-conscious)
How happy you’d be not feeling restricted by your lack of confidence. (e.g Being able to be intimate with your partner without turning the lights out)
How happy everyone around you will be knowing you’re happier and no longer down about the things you once were. (e.g Having belly fat you didn’t like)
I know how both sides feel, I know how it feels to not be confident and I know how it feels to gain it.
I suffered body confidence issues as a teenager, I’d hate having my top off cause I was so skinny, I had to put in years of hard work to change that and it was so worth it.
If you suffer from being self-conscious and lack confidence know that you don’t have to and that you can change it.
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Whatever you do don’t stay unconfident you owe it to yourself and happiness not to be.
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